Better Late (Thankful) than Never

I rolled back into work on Monday, straight into an meeting, followed by an hour conference call and then six and a half hours of a meeting with out of town collaborators. All that talk talk talk makes me thankful for the weekend just past.

I am also thankful for:

• family (mine and Chris's both) - I got so lucky to have all these people to whom I am related by birth or marriage that I liketo be around. Also, my children are more wonderful than insane, though they are certainly a healthy dose of the latter as well. I never get over how good it feels to have three little people come running in at the sound of the opened door, yelling "Mommy's home! YAY! Mommy's home!"
• work - I continue to have a fulfilling job with people I like doing something I care about. Oh, and I have some flexibility in my scheduling too. 
• home - my house is warm and cozy, with a fire often in the fireplace and good smells coming from the kitchen. I live on a fantastic block with thoughtful, generous, fun neighbors, most of whom are good cooks too. My city is easy to love; interesting and filled with cool little discoveries. Plus, it has lots of bridges. The state is beautiful and often progressive despite itself.
• friends - from my closest friends to people we are getting to know, I feel love and acceptance. Often people laugh at my jokes and praise my children. 
• health - My body has continued to let me run without complaining too much, which gives me the emotional and physical balance I have been needing. It even stops raining for long enough now and then to make runs reasonably pleasant. 

What more could I want? Oh right, holidays that remind me how lucky I am to have so much.

Place cards from Thanksgiving dinner, by Ada with help from her aunt and uncle 

The kids' table at Second Thanksgiving dinner this past weekend.

Here's your list

On Sunday night Ada decided she wanted to write a letter to Santa. Chris and I had not specifically suggested this, but neither had we discouraged it.

By the time Ada sat down to write her letter, I was frankly a little worried. What if she asked for things we have not planned on getting her? I have already done my shopping for her, Ian and Mira, and I was not prepared to have to make alterations or exchanges.

I should not have worried. Ada's list is more whimsical than practical:

Translation:

Dear Santa,
Here's your list:
I want a cat that talks.
I want a magic pen.
I want a making snowman kit.

I am thinking I might include a box with snowman making items (carrot nose, rocks for eyes, scarf, mittens and a hat). I can probably locate a glitter pen that we can declare is magic. I am less sure about how to help her with the talking cat, but one never knows what might happen!

Etiquette, Holiday Edition

The holidays are coming, which makes me think about, well, obligation gifts. Off the top of my head I can think of the following categories of people I will or should be giving gifts to:

• Nanny
• House cleaner
• Newspaper delivery person
• Postal worker (if you are my parents, at least*)
• Administrative staffer(s) who have helped me in the past year
• Ada's teacher

Now this last one is the thing that got me started thinking about all this. I saw this idea on parenthacks for a teacher gift, which sounds delicious but made me think: ANOTHER person to whom I now have a seasonal obligation?

Don't get me wrong, I really like Ada's teacher, and Ada clearly thinks she's fantastic. But am I supposed to buying or making her a gift? Isn't it enough that we are ceaselessly engaged in the financial support of the school, or bringing snack, doing the weekly class wash or volunteering for lunch duty, cooking assistant or PE helper? (Okay, I am not volunteering much, but Chris has done more than his share of this kind of thing over the past few months.)

So what do you do? Do you give the teacher a gift? The postal worker? The newspaper guy? (the latter is probably the most in need financially, and he has done a good job getting the paper on the porch this rainy season...) Who else do you give gifts to at the holidays? Why or why not? 



*My parents seem to have very good relations with their postal worker. I think this guy has moved on, but for a while they had a postal worker nicknamed Smokey, who left them a fantastic, idiosyncratic poem one year.

Wonder Woman and the Herd

Giraffes live in herds, right? 

One of the few pictures she'd let me take of her in full Wonder Woman get up

Ian Giraffe posing for his animal-loving fans

Mira was not at all interested in being photographed. She preferred foraging for dinner at the neighborhood party. Plus, the COOKIE! (and later, the CHOCOLATE!)

Simultaneously giraffe and ham

Next Year, Right Here

Monday evening was the first night of Passover. (Don't be fooled by what most calendars say, Jewish holidays start at sundown on the night before the first day of the holiday.) Ellen graciously agreed to host this year, and we divvied up the cooking and other responsibilities.

For those of you not familiar with Passover, it is a bit like Jewish Thanksgiving in that both holidays involve foods and activities that vary from family to family, but which MUST be done for the celebration to feel complete. In the years since Chris and I returned to Portland, we have celebrated Passover with Ellen and Jiro, and it is our tradition that Chris makes brisket, Ellen makes a lovely vegetarian stock, and I swoop in at the last minute with matzo balls. (Great, huh? Ellen spends hours and days making stock, and I get to whip up a mix.) I usually make the charoset, but Ellen was kind enough to make it this year. Ada and I made a lemon nut cake on Sunday, so we didn't entirely shirk our responsibilities.

 

The traditional pre-seder jump-on-Jiro

No matter that the event was a little chaotic and messy, I had a great time. Maybe even more so because of the mess, which is, after all, my style. There was a little bump when we realized we did not have any matzo, but friends were sent out to retrieve some (thank goodness we don't live in a place with more Jews, or we'd REALLY be out of luck) while I conducted a short seder with the kids.

Last year I told the Passover story to Ada and Monkey Boy, and they were riveted by the plagues. This year was not much different. This year, Ada and MB were joined by Monkey Boy's One True Love. I recounted the tale to the kids, from the burning bush (Isn't that crazy? AND IT TALKED!) to the plagues (frogs EVERYWHERE, plopping on people's heads, landing in their soup!) and exit from Egypt (though I did change "slaying of the first born" to "the kids got really sick" and said the Pharaoh's soldiers were forced to swim downstream when the water closed in on them, instead of saying they drowned). The real highlight was the four of us running to the front door, throwing it open and yelling "Welcome Elijah! Come on in!" The kids asked lots of questions, got excited by my colorful commentary on the plagues, and even got a little heavily diluted wine to go with their ceremonial meal. When we were done, the kids ran amok while the grown-ups started the main seder.

This photo doesn't show it, but they were REALLY into the story.

A number of years ago I put together a hybrid hagaddah and every year since then I have meant to revise it. Let's just say, this was not the year that was going to happen. So we limped along as usual, but happily so. As commanded, we drank a lot of wine (pouring for one another as is the tradition of some good friends from the east coast) and kibbitzed a lot. When we talked about appreciating the freedom we take for granted, and recognizing the holy in the everyday, I read the footnote to Howl. (Reading this aloud to a group is definitely facilitated by drinking two large glasses of wine first.) At one point we somehow got into a heated conversation about men who are sub-par lovers due to failures that if discussed here will get the blog a lot of funky traffic. One of the male guests brought this up, in case you were wondering.

And we ate. We ate ceremonially (wow, love that horseradish) and for fun. We ate Chris' delicious brisket and Ellen's fantastic soup while we continued to drink. (hmm, maybe that whole b-x licking conversation wasn't so surprising after all.) I got to use my silly ancient rabbi-accent and laugh a lot.

The table, set. 

In the context of the holiday, it is traditional to say we will celebrate Passover "next year in Jerusalem." Literally this is about a return to a rebuilt temple (yes, the one destroyed 2,000 years ago, but who's counting?) but it also has metaphoric meaning. This year things are not as we want them, but next year the world will be healed. This year we have peace but there is war in the world. We are free, but others are enslaved. There is injustice, pain and sadness. The world is imperfect, but we can hope (and work) for change. 

As a secular Jew, the literal Jerusalem is not much of a draw. The wish for peace is compelling, however. I feel so lucky to be living in such a beautiful place, and one in which people have a strong commitment to social justice. For me, the wish is not so much next year in Jerusalem as next year in Portland. Life may not be perfect, but I have so much of what I have wanted over the years. My Passover wish is that others get to experience that fulfillment and joy as well.

Not At All Random Quote

We must all learn to live together as brothers or we will perish together as fools.

Martin Luther King Jr.
December 18, 1963

Consider This Hand Delivery

Here is the card I made this year:

I ran out of stamps part of the way through the process and was too wiped out to get more. Plus, how do you fit that many envelopes through your internet router? Until I resolve these issues, please consider this my card to you all. Happy New Year!

Totally different from being a Jew for Jesus

Before Ada came along I could kind of think that going to my in-laws for Christmas was for them, and not something I really wanted to do. Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws and enjoy being around them, but as someone raised in a reform but nonetheless Jewish household, I felt a little conflicted about Christmas celebrations. Putting aside the whole "Jews don't generally celebrate the birth of Christ" thing, there is so much to love about the way that Chris' family celebrates the holiday. For one thing, there is all the food (iced Christmas cookies, date cookies, shrimp with cocktail sauce, egg nog, Texas grapefruit, Christmas breakfast with sweet things and pork, roast beast, Yorkshire pudding, cranberry pudding, Chris' pecan pie ala Tartine...). Plus, I love the white elephant exchange at Camille's house, coffee in front of the fire first thing in the morning, playing with the goofy little treats from my stocking, watching people open the gifts I picked out for them. So yes, I enjoy Christmas.

Who wouldn't love a holiday that could lead to this scene?

And now, with Ada so obviously enjoying the holiday, it is even more compelling. I am still not comfortable doing it here at my house (and oy, the thought of collecting all the Christmas decorations and then having to store them and get them out and put them back...). But yep, fine, I like being part of it.

As an added bonus, Mira and Ian gave us a little gift this year. Both of them slept through the night while we were at their grandparents' house. Usually just one of them sleeps through the night, leaving Chris or me to get up at 3am, knowing we'll have to get up at 5 with the baby who slept on. Thanks kids, we couldn't have asked for a better gift!

Mira says: pulling on Dylan's beard is even better than chewing on my new toys!

And now for a couple of stellar parenting moments from the weekend:

It seemed like a good idea to let Ian play with this, until someone noticed that the wheels come off.

What kind of crappy parent gets a kid a bike for Christmas and then forgets to bring the kid's helmet with them? And yes, I did let her ride in the street. It is a cul-de-sac, and for the record that Prius didn't get that close before I noticed it.

And a spicy holiday to you too!

Nora, reciting the prayer over the candles: Barukh atah Adonai, Eloheinu, melekh ha'olam...

Ada, a few minutes later: Why were you saying jalapeno?

Nora: What?

Ada: Jalapeno. Barukh atah Adonai, jalapeno...



Someone should probably tell her that when they don't know the words, people often say "watermelon" instead.

The Eight Nights of Hanukkah

On the first night of Chanukah, my mama gave to me,
My mama gave to me,
A pack of kids on a latke-fueled spree. 

Nine adults and five kids (plus two asleep upstairs). 

Brisket, latkes, applesauce, apple/fennel salad and wine. Lots of laughing, screaming, eating, drinking.

On the second night of Hanukkah,
My mama gave to me,
Two pink, sparkly shoes,
And a pack of kids on a latke-fueled spree. 

On the third night of Hanukkah,
My aunt and uncle gave to (my siblings and) me,
Three veggie dolls
Two pink, sparkly shoes,
And a pack of kids on a latke-fueled spree.

Thanks Karen and Anthony!

On the fourth night of Hanukkah,
My mama gave to me,
Four big hugs,
Three veggie dolls
Two pink, sparkly shoes,
And a pack of kids on a latke-fueled spree.

On the fifth night of Hanukkah,
My mama gave to me,
Five pieces of gelt.
Four big hugs,
Three veggie dolls
Two pink, sparkly shoes,
And a pack of kids on a latke-fueled spree.

On the sixth night of Hanukkah,
My mama gave to me,
Six misplaced dreidels,
Five pieces of gelt.
Four big hugs,
Three veggie dolls
Two pink, sparkly shoes,
And a pack of kids on a latke-fueled spree.

On the seventh night of Hanukkah,
My mama gave to me,
Seven books from Goodwill,
Six misplaced dreidels,
Five pieces of gelt.
Four big hugs,
Three veggie dolls
Two pink, sparkly shoes,
And a pack of kids on a latke-fueled spree.

On the eighth night of Hanukkah,
My mama gave to me,
Eight dripping candles,
Seven books from Goodwill,
Six misplaced dreidels,
Five pieces of gelt.
Four big hugs,
Three veggie dolls
Two pink, sparkly shoes,
And a pack of kids on a latke-fueled spree.


Happy Hanukkah to those of you who celebrate it! And to those of you who don't, not being Jewish is no reason to not indulge in some fried foods this week. Remember, it's festive AND delicious!

Christmakwanzaaka

As a four year old, Ada is working out what we do and who we are as a family, and how that is different or the same as other families. I come from a Jewish family, and Chris's family is what I call American-Christian, meaning that they celebrate Christmas more as a time to be with family, eat good food and give presents than as a holiday specifically honoring their god. Our nuclear family celebrates Hanukkah with a menorah, latkes and a dreidel. For Christmas, we go to Chris's parents' house. This works out well, as it allows us to celebrate with family and friends and yet I can avoid putting up a tree or lights at home. Somehow, putting up Christmas decorations at home feels like it would cross a line that apparently wasn't already obliterated by my eating pork, marrying outside my family's religion or failing to observe the myriad other rules and traditions of the Jewish faith.

Negotiating, and even explaining, our family's traditions and observances to Ada is already a bit complicated. The other night Chris and Ada were reading a book about Hanukkah. This got them talking about Hanukkah; celebrating with friends, eating latkes, etc. Chris talked about how we will do that here at home, and then later in the month we will go to Grandma and Bunka's for Christmas.

"And then Kwanzaa?" Ada asked.

Chris told Ada that different families celebrate different holidays. We celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas, some other families just celebrate Hanukkah, others celebrate Christmas, others Kwanzaa. Ada seemed satisfied with this explanation, which relieved Chris. He wondered how many holidays we might be required to celebrate if Ada got it in her head that we should do them all. Just in case, he suggested I might want to avoid bringing up the subject of Ramadan with Ada, lest we find ourselves fasting next August.

Halloween is for Suckers (and Peanut Butter Cups)

Despite my concern that people would mistake her home-made ghost costume for a bride costume, no one asked her if she was getting married. (Maybe it was the blue felt letters spelling BOO! I sewed to her skirt.)

Onward, to CANDY!

Predictably, by the end of the night Ada had shed her costume. She did it bit by bit, handing pieces to her grandmother and me as we walked the neighborhood in search of sugar. Yet another reason I am glad I didn't make her a traditional, one piece, over the head ghost costume. In any case, by the time we headed home she looked like this:

Note the sugar-fueled twirling around every pole on the street. Whee! Impressively, there was no sugar-meltdown. Ada enjoyed the special treat of getting tucked in to be by her grandmother, and we heard not a peep of complaint as the sugar left her system. Even better, at about 7:30 I got a text from Ellen noting that things were well with my other favorite sugar fiend: "Monkey Boy has not vomited yet." So all around, a successful Halloween.

Oh, and Mira and Ian's first Halloween passed as I would have predicted: they enjoyed being carted around to the neighborhood pre-trek party, got cranky, drank some milk and went to sleep. Who could ask for more?

Heavy, for skeletons

Happy Pi Day!

For those of you who do not live or hang out with mathematicians, today is 3.14 - the day of the year that most resembles Pi. Hence: Pi Day!

As I am a fan of mathematicians (and of the other, slightly more delicious pie) I offer the following links of the day:

• How to calculate the circumfrence of a circle (because sometimes you just want to know) 
• Join a discussion about how you and others celebrate this important day
• Make a pi cake (link to recipe included. Mmmm, chocolate raspberry pi cake...)
• Get cozy with your very own set of fuzzy math symbols
  

Among my favorite mathematicians, this is a cherished holiday. Maybe because they are like cinnamon. As big this day is on any year, I am thinking that in a few years we'll need to really do it up. 2015 will be the best year for a Pi Day party this century. 

But that is a few years off. For now, I recommend you live a little: eat some pi. Er, pie.

I'm not sure who won, but we will be losing these white elephants

As I mentioned yesterday, every year on Christmas Eve Chris' family drives to his aunt's ranch for dinner and a white elephant gift exchange. This year we spent much of Christmas Eve day unsure about whether we would go, given that it took us over FOUR hours to make the normally one hour trip between our house and Chris' parents' place. Chris' aunt called us every hour or two with road updates. ("Mike just got home, and he says highway 99 is completely clear." "Travis is here now and he can tell you what the roads look like now.") Finally we decided that the thaw that had been going on all day made it likely that we would not run into any problems en route, so we packed ourselves into the car and headed to Camille's place.

After dinner we gathered in the family room for the white elephant gift exchange. (For those who do not partake in this particular tradition, click over here for last year's or here for a Wikipedia explanation.) Ada, who had never done this before but is very into distributing and opening presents, was very excited to help.

When it was Chris' turn to open a present, he got a travel mug. When it was stolen from him he opened what we started to call the transvestite monkey angel:

I was going to dig the angel out of the car to photograph it in its full "glory," but the idea of it in my house creeped me out too much and I decided to settle for this photo from the gift exchange evening.

Chris' dad opened a package with two hula girls in it. I coveted them (thinking of course how cool they would look on the dashboard of the minivan we will be buying next year) but they were stolen by Uncle Mike. When it was my turn to pick, Ada chose a heavy box for me. It contained a metal desk accessory that looked like a little guy sitting at a desk. I didn't want it, so I wasn't heartbroken when it was stolen by Travis a moment later. Ada then chose for me a package that turned out to be a hefty paperback book: The Shooter's Bible. I am not exactly sure what year it was from (maybe 1974) but it was not the latest edition. Not that this matters. Ada was thrilled, seeing it as a coloring book.

Lovin' up hte shooter's bible. Thanks Uncle Mike!

We left both of these "treasures" in Chris' trunk when we got home on Friday afternoon. We figured we could leave them there until Ada forgot about them, but then she saw this this afternoon as I loaded groceries into the car. Oops. I suspect the angel and gun book might disappear mysteriously, like the nuk.

One last thing about Chanukah

This year, in addition to "regular" latkes, I made sweet potato latkes. They turned out well, if I do say so myself. Here's the recipe I made up:

1 large sweet potato (preferably red/orange)
1 medium onion
2 eggs
flour (maybe between a quarter and a half cup?)
salt
pepper

Peel the sweet potato and grate it. If you have a food processor, use that, otherwise watch your knuckles as you manually grate. Grate the onion. Throw both in a bowl with eggs and flour. Mix and decide if you need more flour. Mix in salt and pepper.

Get out a non-stick pan (or two if you can multi-task). Add more oil than seems reasonable, and then add a bit more. When the oil is hot, spoon in (maybe 1/4 cup) dollops of grated mix. Over medium-high, cook latkes to brown but not burnt on one side, flip and brown the other side. Serve warm with sour cream and applesauce. And brisket. (Chris makes a great one!) 

When making latkes with potatos, I usually use a ratio of about three large potatoes to one big onion, plus 2-3 eggs and more than a half cup on flour.

Oh yeah, and for the three of you clamoring for a belly photo, here's the bump as of last weekend. Because who doesn't need a photo of a pregnant woman holding a sweet potato?

Note that although I am only 15 weeks along in this picture, the shirt is already insufficient to cover the bump. I am thrilled to have gotten a lot of hand-me-down maternity clothes from friends, but already the ones from the Gap are too short. Unless my friends bought special petite maternity clothes, I can not understand how something labeled 'maternity' does not cover me at this point in my pregnancy. Having learned the hard way about how easy it is to anger Gap partisans (see the comments), perhaps I should not complain so publicly about this, but really. Shouldn't maternity shirts be built long enough to cover a woman's torso for most, if not all of her pregnancy? Just a thought.

On the second day of Chanukah

My blog-friend gave to me: photos of the most recent Latke-Hammentashen Debate.

If this makes no sense to you, read this first.

For what it's worth, latkes get my vote any day. Tomorrow, a recipe.

Also, Ada got a fairy princess outfit from her pal Juniper. Once Juniper left, Ada modeled for us:

Apparently this is a stealth fairy princess outfit. 

With that mask on, we have no idea who that fairy girl is.

Happy Hanukkah

As a Jew in America, it is hard to compete with the Christmas whirlwind, especially when you have children. I'll admit that in my mixed family we celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas. (In my defense, I don't "do" Christmas at my house. We go to Christmas at Ada's grandparents' house.)

Good thing the girls have my back:

Costume? Check. Picture? Eh, not so much.

A month ago I asked Ada what she wanted to be for Halloween. She immediately replied: "a bat!"  This thrilled me, because a year after I saw this costume idea I was still excited to try it out. I happened to have an old purple umbrella. Luckily Ada is a big fan of purple, so the suggestion that she be a purple bat went over swimmingly (flappingly? what would be the right bat metaphor?)

Chris and Ada found a purple hoodie in her size, and I dismembered the umbrella. I had to make a few adjustments to the original instructions, as Ada's arms and torso are a bit smaller than the woman's pictured in the Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories pictures. Still, it turned out pretty well and Ada was even willing to wear the costume (a change from last year).

The weather - which earlier this week turned from the amazing, glorious beautiful fall warmth we'd enjoyed for a month to more seasonably rainy and cool - cooperated and no little ghouls, gobblins or bats were rained on.

After the work I put into Ada's costume, I failed to document the success appropriately, taken as I was with our thundering horde of costumed children as they rampaged down the street in search of ever more sugar. I snapped a few pictures, but in the twilight I got mostly fuzzy images.  Here is one look at Ada's battyness.

You don't get a good view of the wings in this picture, but maybe later this week I can get Ada to put on the costume again so I can document the impressive flapping.

All in all, it was a great Halloween. This was the first time Ada got the idea that she could knock on people's doors and receive candy. The collection was almost as fun as the eating. Almost. We had a great time trick-or-treating with friends, including Monkey Boy (who went as a yellow Shrek ghost with muffins - his idea). Actualy, he only wore the costume for a few minutes, because he quickly realized that it impeded his candy intake.  After that he wore it around his waist and went as a kid who really needed some more candy. To be fair, all the kids went as that.

Drop me in the water

In the Jewish religion, today is the ceremony Tashlich, which is Hebrew for "casting off." As part of the start of a new year, this is a chance to symbolically cast off the sins of the past year. Jews go to a natural body of flowing water and throw in pieces of bread to symbolize the shedding of these old errors. The idea is to get rid of things you do not want to take with you into the new year. While traditionalists focus on specific errors made in the past year, right now I am thinking more about the ways I make life unnecessarily harder for myself. By tossing away some of these I hope I will feel lighter about whatever happens in the next year.

I would like to leave behind:

• Sadness that I have not had an easy road to pregnancy. Whether or not it works this time, this is one area where I have actually made a lot of progress compared to earlier this year. I am ready to move forward with one child or with two, but without the sadness and self-pity I was lugging around in the spring.
  
• Anger and frustration at Ada's continued refusal to use the potty. I am horrified by how hard it is for me to get past this one. Even as I think about how to change my response, I want to write out all reasons I am justified in feeling so annoyed with her. I have a lot of work to do on this; it is going to take a lot of bread crumbs. 
• Fear. Fear of messing up, fear of being found out as unqualified, untalented, uninteresting. I know that a lot of people carry this one around, especially those of us who like to be in control all the time. Carrying this fear takes a lot of energy. I am sure that letting it go would help me find more energy for other things. Saying that, I know that this one is especially hard for me to release. I will be cutting myself some slack if I am not quite done with this one yet.
  

What would you like to move forward without? I'll toss it in the river for you today.

My Little Sister

Karen - you are one of my most favorite people, and you always have been.

No hard feelings about that time Rachel and I set a trap for you at the Camden house, right? I mean, if Mom (who after all is the one who fell in) mostly gotten over it, shouldn't you? What if I promise not to show the pictures of you dressed as Ping?

Happy birthday, Karen. Thanks for being such a fantastic sister and wonderful friend. I love you.