Sunday, October 17, 2004

Retrieval day

Friday morning Chris and I went to the doctor's office early and were brought upstairs to the retrieval room. I sat in a reclining table/chair dealie, got hooked up to an IV (antibiotics, pain medications, other anesthesia). After chatting with the medical assistant for a while, I remember the doctor coming in and talking to me, but I don't remember much else. Chris says I wasn't totally out - I responded to questions and made it clear when I was feeling discomfort, but I was fairly out of it.

Before we left they told us that 16 eggs were retrieved.

When I woke up, Chris was in the waiting room (he'd been providing his part of the genetic material while I was recovering) and we went home. I was pretty crampy. We came home and I went to sleep on the couch. Chris got me snacks and movies, which allowed me to stay on the couch most of the day. I felt ok - if a little groggy - most of the time, but when I stood up I was in a fair bit of crampy pain. It even hurt to pee. Not in the way it hurts if you have an infection, but in an internal muscle-related way. I can see why they had me use the enema. A bowel movement would have been unthinkable on Friday.

Ellen brought Avery over in the late afternoon and I played with him for a while. Making him smile is a really fun game, a little bit like the baby version of crack. Chris made me mexican meatball soup, and we watched movies. I felt bad, but not any worse than I'd feared.

I had acupuncture on Saturday morning and then had breakfast with Chris and Adam. We went to Powell's so I could look for books on twins - specifically the decision to have twins. I will have three embryos implanted assuming all goes well, so there is a chance that two or three will implant. I won't have triplets - it is too dangerous for me and gives the fetuses a much worse chance of developing normally. But two - Chris and I are talking about it. We recognize it will be really hard for a lot of reasons, but it would mean that we'd have two kids and not have to go through this again. Unfortunately for me, the books on twins all assume that you are having them. The books on fertility don't address twinning except in general discussions about the impact of fertility drugs on the odds of multiple births.

When we got home we got a call from the clinic. Of the 16 eggs, 15 were developed enough to try ICSI (intracytoplasmic sperm injection). Of those, 13 worked. Thirteen fertilized eggs are percolating away in the lab now.

As of Sunday I am still crampy and bloated, but feeling better. Tonight I start daily projesterone injections - shots in my ass that Chris has to administer with a scary big needle. We had the medical assistant draw guides on my butt so C would know where to put the shot. I am not excited about these shots, and neither is Chris. He was pretty cute about it, saying he's not looking forward to this, but recognizes that my worry is probably bigger.

Tomorrow three eggs get returned to me and we hope for the best.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Of course you are

7:30 appointment today, plus likely one tomorrow and the next day as well. So, no carpool and I will be late to the first day of Leadership Academy. Oh well.

My closest grad school friend is coming into town tomorrow for work. We missed one another by phone yesterday, so I called her on my drive down from pdx after my appointment. She told me she is 3 months pregnant. Of course she is. I knew she and her husband were trying, but the timing is tough for me. I was loving and supportive, saying I thought it was great (which is true, I think she and her husband will be great parents, plus they are huge like us and will help populate the world with tall tall people). She said she knew this might be hard for me and appreciated my support. She basically said that if the positions were reversed she wasn't sure she'd be able to be as supportive. Interesting, and probably true. I told her that I am very upset about how long and hard this road is for me, but I also know that her being pregnant doesn't make me less so.

I felt sad when we talked, but now feel ok, if a bit weepy. Her news was a trigger for my tears, but I'm not feeling worse than my usual weepyness these days. I am glad she told me by phone rather than waiting to tell me in person. This way, when I cried I could still sound (and actually, be) happy for her. In person all she would notice is that I was welling up.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

I love hormone injections

Let’s see, where are we?

I’m up to three injections a day. I’ve got lots of little bruises from the needles, making me worry what I’ll look like when I start the progesterone injections (18 gauge needles instead of the tiny ones I’m using now).

I’ve got a headache most of the time from the meds. I’m cranky cranky cranky.

Today was my second ultrasound/blood draw to see how the follicle stimulating meds are working. One ovary looks good, the other is a little slow – Dr Lee says maybe he’ll up my dosage.

My appointment was at 9:30, but I went in early and got out of there by 9:30. I got to work by 10:20 and made it to a meeting that was going on all day. My desk is a horror show, I am not up on all my reading, but when I get to my desk I just want to cry and run away. At home I just want to sleep.

On the up side, I also had a follow-up on my breast tenderness problem with the obgyn. I’ve had no pain for a week or two, she felt nothing weird, confirming her view that it was fibrocystic changes and totally normal. Yay! Plus, she said my outfit was cute.

* * * *

Oh - the doctor's office called. My lab results are back - my estradol is at 45. (Crap - WHY don't I carry that book on ivf around everywhere? If I had it I could look up what that means. Instead I foolishly carted in a book of essays by people who have dealt with infertility, some help THAT is today.) So, Dr. Lee says its time to change my meds. (Did I mention that the drugs have already cost me $3,000?) I didn't even ask what the Repronex is going to cost.

Yes, time to add another drug - Now I've got 225 IUs of Gonal-F in the morning (up from 150), continuing the 10 units of Lupron at night, and substituting 3 vials of Repronex (an HMG) for the nightly 150 of Gonal-F.

Both Repronex and Gonal-F are follicle stimulating hormones, which are supposed to make my follicles nice and plump. I stay on the Lupron to keep me from ovulating, but at a lower dose than before - I dropped it to 10 on Friday after my appointment - the doc said I looked sufsuppressed supressed on the ultrasound and my blood test apparently agreed. I decided not to argue about whesuppressed supressed.

Chris is picking the drugs up for me this afternoon.