Boy Boy Boy Boy Boy Girl Boy Boy

Ada's friends are all boys, and I like it that way.

Monkey-boy, Henry, Pawie, Dylan! and Leo all make her laugh; she loves their antics and is truly amused by whatever they do. Much of Ada's wardrobe comes from Monkey-boy. Her shoes are his hand-me-downs, she wears his old jeans and red shirts, along with all the pink things everyone gave us before she was born. I love that she is around boys who goof off for her, bring her toys and do whatever they can to make her laugh. As she grows she will engage them more, playing and exploring her world with them.

Don't get me wrong, it isn't that I don't like girls. I'm thrilled to have one. It is just that when we spend time with girls at playgroup, I feel surrounded by a sea of pink. Worse is the feeling that the parents (ok, the moms) appear concerned about their girls being girly enough. There is a weird undercurrent of gender patterning that makes me uncomfortable. At one playgoup a mom said to Chris that a particular toy was a great plaything, "you know, for a boy." What? How is a ball not a good girl toy? Kids - babies - Ada's age don't know or care what physical sex they are or what the rules are for their gender. I know there are some innate differences between girls and boys; I have seen them in action. But why teach kids the "rules" so early? Ada has some great clothes, and I'll admit to caring about clothes myself. But every time someone coos over her outfit I cringe a little. I hate the idea that she's learning that clothes are what people think girls should care about, that being cute is important.

I think I worry about this - especially the focus on the importance of "cuteness" - in part because I was never cute. I was a huge child, the tall gangly brown haired, brown eyed girl with the long weird limbs sticking out of too-short pants. My childhood best friend was short and adorable, and people were always telling her that. I was jealous that she got so much attention (and that I didn't) for something neither of us could control. I am fairly sure that Ada is going to be a big girl too. It has been not quite nine months, but she has not dipped below the 90th percentile for height yet. I'm tall and her papa is 6'5". It seems inevitable that she'll be tall and that her growth will happen early.


Cute is over-rated. Cute doesn't help you reach the top shelf, cute doesn't let you see over people's heads at a rock club. Sure, cute can get you noticed, but it can also teach you that attention is something you get for reasons having nothing to do with your brain or your heart. I want Ada to run with the boys and throw like a girl. And I do think Ada is cute. (Ok, I think she is fucking adorable.) But I don't want her to think that I love her because she's cute. I don't want her to worry about cute at all.