Monday, April 27, 2009

Belly's Lament

Categories of clothes now in my possession:

  • Regular (non-maternity) clothes, which except for underwear, socks and one sweater, are unwearable.  
  • Maternity clothes, type 1: clothes that never fit me, despite being labeled "maternity" by devious retailers or loaned by friends with significantly shorter torsos and/or smaller pregnancy bellies. This includes any tops sold by Gap Maternity, which by the time I needed a maternity shirt to cover the belly, were already too short to perform this duty. This category also includes several pairs of maternity pants that are too big in the hips and fall down the moment I move around at all. I look like a teen-aged boy, circa 2000. This slippage is exacerbated by the prevalence of under-the-belly waistbands. I was fooled by this style during my first pregnancy, but realized (after walking all around Madrid with at least one hand in my pocket in order to keep my jeans up) that the less fashion-forward over-the-belly waistbands work a lot better for me.  Also, though my belly is size large, my hips remain medium.
  • Maternity clothes, type 2: clothes that fit me for a while, and are now too small. A couple pairs of pants I borrowed from friends have been set aside as the waistband no longer stretches over my lower belly enough to simultaneously keep the pants up and not make me feel I am being hugged by a vice grip. (see: complaints about under-the-belly waistbands above) Other pants that worked well for a while are now pinching my lower belly, making sitting uncomfortable. Also, at least one shirt that I'd happily worn the past couple of months was put away, after a recent mid-day walk to the grocery store ended with my neighbor glancing at my lower belly (a region I can feel but not see these days) and asking if I minded the breeze. 
  • Maternity clothes, type 3: seasonally inappropriate clothes. Just because they don't really fit the weather, I am still wearing them. Because they sort of fit. 
  • Maternity clothes, type 4: perfect. I have a few pieces of clothes that fit and look decent, and I wear them all the time. This includes the black and white polka dot dress I wore all through my first pregnancy, a gray cashmere wrap sweater from my mom, and some maternity yoga pants I am too vain to wear outside except to yoga. Strangely, I am not too vain to wear droopy jeans, so go figure. By the time I can fit back in normal clothes, I will be ready to burn these precious pieces.


  1. Can ANYONE wear those under-the-belly pants? I'd really like to know. They sure never worked for me.

  2. I believe we have the same wardrobe. I also talk about starting a certain bonfire of the clothing when this is through.

  3. Under the belly bands are completely useless. I was fooled by them for one pair of jeans which would start falling down as soon as I stood up. Bending over, walking or sitting would just help them southwards.

    The over the belly bands only worked if they had elasticated waists. I have a skirt that relied on Lycra in the band for it to work. It didn't.

  4. Back when I was prego, tents were in style! All ya had to do was throw one on!
    Now you get to show off that cute belly and I think it's beautiful!

  5. Remember what Gladys says. When you have only one dress left that you can wear AT ALL. The bab(ies) will come.

    But do you have any new nursing bras? Your nursing bra post I consider a classic.

  6. I hated the under-the-belly pants as well. They never stayed up and were always uncomfortable. How are your babies doing? Are they still breech? Have you bought the minivan yet? We picked up our brand new Honda Odyssey yesterday! I got to drive it home. It's a great car. I can't wait to put all the car seats in it and even better, I can't wait until they are full of babies!