Thursday, October 09, 2008

Considering maybe being a little excited, maybe

People keep asking if I am excited.  Thrilled. Very very happy.

I feel a little weird saying, "um, not yet."

I do expect to get excited, but I remember this caution from four years ago. Sure, I got a positive pregnancy test, but what about the follow up? Ok, today I got a good follow up test, but what will I see at the ultrasound in a couple of weeks? What will the tests say about genetic mutations or other deformities?  I didn't really feel comfortable with the idea that the pregnancy was for real until about 14 weeks. This time I hope it will be a little easier to relax, but I am still a litle stunned.

After a year of failed attempts, I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around success. I am able to wrap my head around the need to hurry, however. Knowing that in a few weeks I will be exhausted, I have a mental list of all the things I need to get accomplished before then. I planted bulbs and transplanted some of the plants that were unhappy this year. I still have a bunch of fall gardening to do, including getting in a cover crop in the veggie beds. I need to give the guest room a good scrub down and reorganization. I need to tackle the headboard I have been thinking about making. There is so much to do, but all I want to do is sit on the couch and think about how this could possibly be true.

Yes, I think I will be excited, once I get over the shock. For now I am relying on how excited my friends and family are; their responses are lifting me out of stillness. I am working on it, but for now forgive me if I look a bit dazed when you ask if I am excited. I have gotten what I wanted, I just can't believe it is true.

10 comments:

  1. I can totally understand that feeling. Considering that I had a miscarriage back in the spring it only compounds that feeling for me. I think I will relax a lot more when I'm out of the first trimester but there are still so many hurdles to get over.

    ReplyDelete
  2. What you are feeling is totally normal for someone who has gone through fertility treatments. Hello, how many disappointments do you have during the process? Once you see the tiny heartbeat that's when your heart will pull a Grinch and grow three times larger and it will pound out of your chest with joy and excitment. Until then, bask in the glow of disbelief because morning sickness comes to soon and will shock you out of anything. : )

    ReplyDelete
  3. You can just let the friends and family be excited. When you're ready, you'll be ready.

    Be well.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You just described EXACTLY how I felt and reacted after my first clean scan. It takes a while to believe.
    And I found the joyous support on my blog and from friends did help the good news to sink in.

    ReplyDelete
  5. (un)relaxeddad10/10/2008 2:03 PM

    I think gremlins ate my last comment?
    Well, I know there's a long way to go and so many hurdles and milestones. But I'm so pleased that you're where you are. Enjoy this moment, then move onto the next one.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oooh! A much belated congratulations!! I'm so happy for you. And I'm totally there on the "weird" feeling. Although last time we blurted news out really early, this time I'm more fearful and holding back. It's the pain of it to get here that did it for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  7. NLG, makes 100% sense.

    I have a cynics review of some the excitement us others might have for you. But I'll hold it. Barely.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oh, congratulations! What wonderful news!

    (Sorry I'm so late on this -- I just realized I hadn't been seeing updates in Bloglines for you and decided to click through the old-fashioned way...)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I offer a tentative word of congratulations. Hang onto it and let it bloom when you see fit . . .

    ReplyDelete
  10. wait.

    what.

    my internet has been messed up so i am now catching up with you.

    wow.

    yes.

    wait it out.

    i didn't believe micah would be born until he was laying on me screaming.

    i said "if" the baby is born rather than "when" my entire pregnancy. and yes, i had friends around me saying "when."

    joy to you.

    ReplyDelete