Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Is there an Allbottom list?*

When I was thinking of that title, it sounded much more innocent than it looks now that I have typed it. Unintended implications of sexual proclivities aside, I think there should be some website for the rest of us, perhaps a badge. ("Alltop doesn't know I exist") I'd make one if I wasn't so busy worrying about what to wear to Blogher. I know, it should not matter what I look like, but you prepare to spend three days with 1,000 women and not doubt your wardrobe or haircut. Despite her self-proclaimed tendency to obsess, Debbie kindly talked me off an "I've got nothing to wear" ledge yesterday afternoon. I felt a bit better, but then I read that she planned on doing it up herself next week, sartorially speaking. Great, a roommate of charm and sophistication, dressed to the nines. No pressure there. (Maybe she can make up for this gaffe by making me an Allbottom.com shirt. I'll wear it out on the town; maybe Guy Kawasaki will take pity on me and start such a site.)

Luckily my kind neighbor offered some help. She loaned me a wrap, perfect for the frozen wasteland that is a hotel conference room. (and a July day in San Francisco) When in a fashion crisis, it is always good to wear someone else's clothes. Thank goodness for her, because looking around at my closest friends I see women who are vastly different shapes and sizes from me, which is to say NO HELP AT ALL in the clothes borrowing department.  Which will not stop me from running upstairs during Monkey Boy's birthday party to rifle through Ellen's things. A 5'9" woman can wear her 5'2" friend's clothes, right?  Maybe not the jeans, but I'm sure there is something in her closet I can use.  That way, if it looks terrible I can blame it on Ellen.  Win-win, as I see it.

After the last of my three attempts to find something to wear at blogher, I left the store with purple footless tights.  Which helps me how? Not at all, but does make me feel 14 again.  I take that back; the 14 year old me would never have worn bright purple, or anything else that called attention to the fact that I had a body.  Now I am so desperate for something new that I resort to tights that are tantamount to holding a sign over my head.  One that reads "I have no taste and no time to shop; be my friend!"  Yeah, that'll work. Maybe I should just have gotten the sign.

*I debated whether to use this subject line.  My experience with seemingly innocent titles that generate traffic from porn-seekers (I s*** my****, for example) makes me wary. But apparently not wary enough to think of a better title.

Edited to add: HRH pointed me to allmediocre.com, which has apparently beaten me to the punch on this.


  1. You will totally run into my friend MEG at BlogHer as she hands out her AllMediocre.com buttons. She started it a few weeks ago and already has close to 100 people participating. And the name is less likely to attract the porn crowd.

  2. since all i ever where is jeans and a black top, that's what i'll be wearing.

  3. I'm with you on all bottom. It seems more gin friendly.

    And, I am 100% sure you are Guy Kawasaki's kinda girl if he only had enough time.

  4. I want on that list, no, no I don't. I am all for the bottom, if I can say that here without arousing interest from websurfing buttmen.

  5. I'm soooo allbottom. But I lurve Debs and you, so that means I must be below you. Wait, that doesn't sound right.

  6. It's a sad state that I can't even be considered for the mediocre list because I'm not posting enough.

    However you are going to have a blast at BlogHer with or without clothes! You'll get to the top faster without clothes.