Thursday, May 03, 2007

Toeing the line

For those who have been paying attention, the great and powerful Jiro mentioned that my blog would benefit from an increased Jiro-focus. I took his comment as an opportunity to get him to offer my readers the value of his years (and years, and years) of life experience. I asked people to submit their burning questions, and one complied. Ok, two, but Jiro has declined to respond to Betsy Veal's comments ever since she scaled the wall of his compound to leave her famous ketchup souffle at his door. So that leaves one answerable question. (Seriously, what is wrong with you people? Have you no questions that need answering?)

But never mind, a question comes to us from the temperate north:

Why is my big toe more sensitive to heat than other parts of my body?

The Sage Jiro responds.
One of the more obscure beliefs of Scientology is that the galactic overlord Xenu having stubbed his toe one time too many on the galactic overlord baby’s toy train set declared that henceforth all of the evil spirits would enter through the toes, and that everyone’s first toe would “… swell larger than all of the others …” and become more sensitive to all things. This was around the same time there were several decrees about the galactic overlord poopy diapers and the galactic overlord's complaint that “I should have gotten a puppy”.

On the other hand, of course everyone knows about the belief in Swedish mysticism that the first lutefisk sprang from Odin’s big toe.

Should anyone need advice, Jiro doesn't have much to do these days. His job is a piece of cake, his child is pretty much willing to do whatever he says, and his wife, well, she's not a candidate for Stepford yet, but we're working on her. Email the advice line at nonlinear . advice @ gmail . com - what could it hurt?


  1. Please forward on my thanks to Jiro. His earlier advice to me about saying no? Well, I used it a few days ago, and after an initial freak out about saying the N-O word, and a chat with Nonlinear Papa, I felt fine. AND I don't have to do something I didn't want to do.

    I didn't even have to picture Dick Cheny Naked.

  2. ok, jiro, here's my burning question. how in the hell do you get your child to do pretty much whatever you say? mine is the same age and he will do pretty much nothing i say lately.

  3. Um... thanks Hiro. I can now bathe armed with obscure yet unhelpful toe knowledge. I'll be back, I'm sure.

  4. Jiro. I meant Jiro. Hm.

  5. Jiro, what is it with mother in laws?

  6. (un)relaxeddad5/08/2007 1:30 PM

    Jiro, why am I the only person in my office who likes Nick Cave?