Or, Why I am a Dumbass, Emotionally.
I've been in a bit of a funk, though I could not see why. Maybe the blog is clouding things a little. Am I in a regular funk, feeling low on general principles? Or am I actually feeling sad that I missed out on what looks like it was a really fun time in San Jose? Even though I can't really complain about how things are going here at Casa Nonlinear, that never stops me. But there isn't anything real bothering me. My complaints are more the result of my blue mood than the reasons for it.
Tuesday I did something I love. I biked over to our friends' house with their half of our organic veggie share. It is a quick bike ride through the neighborhood, and the weather was perfect at 8 in the evening. So why did I feel tears spilling out as I peddled down the street? Why wasn't the joy of doing something fun and easy and healthy enough to lift me even momentarily out of my funk? What the hell is wrong with me?
Oh right. That pink stain tells me what is wrong with me. And why I'm feeling better today. Here I was all ready to type up a heartfelt post about my fears about slipping back into a depression. I was probing myself for why I might be feeling so low. And here the answer was obvious. Never mind, all is well. Except for that part about me being a dumbass.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Funky Cold Medina
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oh i know the feeling of the ups and downs. it just rips at me every time i feel so emotionally down, like i am falling in to a big hole. but how wonderful to ride around in the weather we have been having. i would love to just get on my bike and ride it has been too long, since i was about six month full with Miss A. did you end up getting a bike trailer and if so what did you settle on? i am wanting to get one for our bikes so we can ride to places like Mt. Tabor and the farmers market.... and to think summer is just slipping by.
ReplyDeletei understand quite well how you are feeling. i do hope today is wonderful enjoy a nice bike ride for me.
i feel you too. i have been crying spontaneously for days. i suspect a similar cause. feeling depressed during the summer was making me feel even worse for some reason. i'm glad you're feeling better and you're not a dumbass! it's seeming unavoidable sometimes and feeling down doesn't lend one much perspective.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what happened to me this month. I felt miserable and kept looking at external causes - too much work, kids in meltdown mode by the time they get home from day-care, I hate my life blah blah blah - and then the light-bulb: ohhhhh.
ReplyDeleteOf course, it was only my third period since January 2003, so it's easy to forget...
You're not a dumbass. You just got taken down by the red meanies. It's as much a funk as any other kind of funk.
ReplyDeleteFeel better...
A corn dog might make it better.
ReplyDeleteBefore pregnancy I was very regular, and I used to just chart really carefully so I'd be able to look whenever I was down and figure it out. Of course, I've been struggling with hormonally-related depression - PMD I think is the diagnostic whatever, but basically just evil evil PMS that lasts at least a week, often two - for the better part of a decade, so it's the first thing I think of when I start to feel hopeless and unhappy for no good reason.
ReplyDeleteAll too familiar. Hooray that it's gone.
ReplyDeleteI just want to send you a copy of the Metalwood CD p-man just included in his top album post.. You just don't necessarily need the Coltrane all the time!
ReplyDeleteps.. loved your comment on MD today
lol...I had to laugh at how universal this experience must be for us women... :)
ReplyDeleteWhile your post is serious, I can't help but laugh at your title. And taking the diaper off in bed hmm? Oh dear. Good luck.
ReplyDelete