Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Maybe he should be thanking me after all

The day-to-day operations of our home and family take a lot of work. Definitely more work than with just one child. For the most part Chris and I are pretty on top of things, but this does not leave a lot of room for relationship maintenance. Chris and I have been married for over nine years, and we were a couple for another eight years before that. We have worked out a lot of what couples need to work out to stay together, but as with any relationship, you can't just ignore the work of a relationship forever (trying desperately to work in an auto repair analogy and failing wildly).

Lately I have felt the effect of this lack of focus. I am not trying to suggest that things are going poorly, but I find myself snapping at Chris than I'd like, especially when I know that I am annoyed at him for things that in other circumstances would not bother me at all. To counteract this crankiness and (for lack of a more descriptive or smooth term) emotional disconnection, I am taking purposeful steps to cement our emotional bond. Specifically, I am kissing Chris more. Before he leaves in the morning, upon my return from work, after we have put the babies to bed and we are standing together in the kitchen. This is a very small thing, but sometimes I forget to show Chris how much I love him and enjoy his company. Through my actions I remind him and remind myself. So, yes Chris, I am doing this because I love you and because it reminds me that I love you. (I can almost see him laughing at me because he has just realized that once again, I have found a way to multi-task, even in my emotional life. I am all about efficiency.)


  1. Well, kissing doesn't suck, right? So perhaps it's a win-win? And therefore efficient.

  2. I know what you mean... Sometimes I realize that I don't treat my boyfriend the way he deserves to be treated. At the moment I'm very stressed out by my studies, seemingly neverending exams and whatnot. I am currently not working besides University and it is all thanks to my boyfriend that I can focus on my studies. Nevertheless I snap at him a lot because the stress is finally starting to bring me down. Maybe I should dedicate a blog post to this matter, too. I know he reads my blog occasionally =)

  3. Brilliant. Excellent. Totally painless marital therapy.

    Thanks for the idea. There will be more snogging in the Heathen household.

  4. I wonder how I can drop a hint about this to supermum who is an Olympic class grump in the mornings?

    More seriously, yes, relationships take work and the amount of work seems to increase exponentially in line with the number of children in the house.

  5. This is one of the reasons why I love your blog. You show genuine care for your family and take the time to work on it. Thank you for sharing.