Monday, July 13, 2009

Please Don't Ask That Question

Please - do not ask us how we are sleeping.

Even if you are concerned about us, don't ask.

Even if you think it is a funny little joke for parents of newborns, don't ask.

No really. Don't ask us. Do you really want to hear that we went to bed by 10, exhausted, were up at midnight to feed the twins and back in bed by 1, up again at 3? We did another feeding and then I went downstairs to pump. At 4 I was back upstairs to find Chris up with Ada, who had woken and had a bowel movement in bed. While he helps her clean up, I am with Mira, who has woken up and refuses to be settled, At 4:30 I sink into bed but can't sleep. I listen to my kind husband patiently helping Ada. I worry about how we we will ever get her to break this cycle and listen for noises from Mira and Ian. They'll wake again in an hour and need attention. Then Ada will wake up again and want some too. If we are lucky Chris or I will get a nap sometime later in the day. For me, that nap can be make or break, the difference between whether I function or melt into an emotional puddle.

This is just one night, worse than most, but not as exceptional as I would hope. So unless you really hate us, don't ask how we are sleeping. 


  1. All I will say is I'm sorry, and it will get better...and I hope sooner than later!

  2. Oh, my dear! I feel your pain! I wish I lived near enough to you that you could run a criminal background check on me and get a vibe that I'm not creepy, and then I could help you in some way. What you're going through right now is so hard, and most people have no idea. Probably the first time you burst into tears at the "How are you sleeping" question, will teach a much-needed lesson about messing with a new parent to twins.

  3. I know how hard it is with one baby, I can't even imagine 2.

  4. I think that is the meanest question you can ask a parent with a new baby (or two). Come on! What do you THINK the answer is going to be? It's either
    "it SUCKS, what else?" or "it's okay" which is a lie.

  5. Oh my!

    I send my deepest sympathies.

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  7. I know that smoking is bad now but I used to smoke a pack a day when Ezra was a newborn and I was 19.

    Having sweet conversations with a nine year old who loves me more than I deserve somehow makes those cigarette filled,sleepless nights very distant and forgettable memories.

    Keep up the great work. You are awesome.

  8. Oh man. I'm sorry. I'm right there with you, although divide that feeling in half. Just think: newborn periods are short. It's coming to an end. EVENTUALLY.

    Also I hate the question, "how are you feeling?" because come ON. I'm feeling like crap in a handbasket is about what, but can I say that to strangers? Not so much.

  9. I would say, focus everything on getting in your nap. It's hard to leave the land of the living and possibly miss out on moments with your family or friends, but really, just build your reserves when you can. I'm hoping you have people in your life that can provide that kind of support.

    Lovely babies at least-biology ensuring that you will take care of them in even the hardest of times. Just think of the stories you'll have to tell them when they are older and sleeping in their own beds for 10 hours at a time.

    Positive thoughts your way.

  10. So I sat for a night trying to think what I could say. Then I read one of my really LOOOOONG old posts -- you left a funny comment there. And dear Granny (did you ever know Granny?) she wrote me:

    For what little's it's worth you have my unconditional support. Life is hard enough without always being second guessed by everyone.

    Take care of yourself.

    I thought I'd share that. It was my post called No Success.

  11. Nothing helps, I know this. Chiming in to say, you're doing great even if you can't see it.

    (and maybe you might indulge in the fantasy where the twins are 21, drinking their faces off every night and you call them at 3, 4, 5 am every Saturday?)

  12. People always asked us that when Builder Boy was little, and it puzzled me. They've got to know you're not sleeping, so why bring up an already sore subject. (don't get me started on the people who actually DO get sleep with a newborn around...)