Monday, October 27, 2008

How to be Helpful

While chatting with an old friend last week, we talked about the ways in which people say inadvertently rude things. We were specifically talking about fertility and pregnancy, and discussed the ways people can be well meaning but still say the wrong thing.  (Last time I was pregnant, several times I had one person tell me how big I looked, just to have another say I looked small.  On the same day.)

When I was pregnant with Ada, the response was overwhelmingly positive. Now that I am telling people I am carrying twins, I have heard more versions of "boy is your life over" comments.  I'd like to state for the record that this is NOT HELPFUL. I know that the next few years are going to be challenging in ways I can and can not imagine. I am still reeling a bit from the news that I will be a mother of three. Hearing that my life is going to change for the worse is just not useful.

Almost every parent will acknowledge that having an infant is a life-changing event, and that those changes are not uniformly positive. However, something about the rarity of twins or the fear it causes in other people is enough to cause otherwise polite people to try to scare the crap out of me.

8 comments:

  1. let me just say for the record: boy is your life going to be fun! exciting! way cool! rich! rewarding! fascinating! happy! lovely! wonderful!

    ;-)

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  2. I have a three year old, a two year old and a one year old. Whenever I take them all out together it never fails that I hear "boy do you have your hands full". Get ready for that too.

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  3. I think you have been blessed with two more miracles and when all is said and done, you will have three miracles in your life to bring you joy and happiness. What could be better than three wide eyed children to help you remember what it was like to be a kid! Heck, I'm jealous! Nothing but good things for you and your wonderful growing family. And by the way, all those people who say the "wrong" thing are just being poopy butts because they don't have the wonder of life that you do. : )

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  4. Congrats on the pregnancy, and how exciting that it's twins! Double the pleasure, double the fun, right? Just yesterday someone asked if I was having twins. Boy, you're sure big for only being 18 weeks along. Gee thanks!

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  5. can i just write again that i may be a rarity myself, but in my book twins are one thing i envy, envy, envy.

    envy in a healthy way, that is.

    oh, slick up your back and let all that crap roll right off.

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  6. Actually all the mothers of twins I know say it's much easier than having two kids sequentially! Okay, you're getting up in the middle of the night anyway. Why not feed two kids? And they soon entertain themselves. So enjoy.

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  7. I am bad at saying things, I will probably say many many wrong things, but I am quite excited about the twins, I think it's cool.

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  8. lol. a friend of mine gave birth to twin boys last spring and that was her first pregnancy! she managed to deal quite well as I'm sure you will too. at least you have some experience and know what you're getting yourself into.that said, if I found out I was having twins I'd be a bit freaked (not helpful? hmmm)...

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