Thursday, March 02, 2006

I am so lucky

Getting pregnant was a literal and figurative pain in the ass. Once I got pregnant, things got a lot easier. I had a fairly easy and healthy pregnancy (I can count on my fingers the number of times I vomited), my labor was short and attended by people I love, and Ada has been healthy and developing normally. Despite the many sources of happiness, it is easy to forget how amazing these gifts are.

A few weeks ago, Chris and I were given a reminder of just how charmed our lives are; we learned that the baby born to one of his colleagues was having seizures and other problems after a complicated birth. It is not clear whether the problems would have shown themselves no matter what, or if delivery-related oxygen deprivation injured the child. It doesn't matter. The child was born compromised and was not expected to survive long. After struggling briefly in this world, this newborn died today.

Just today I'd sent Chris to work with a note for the parents, to let them know that we were thinking of them and available to help in whatever way might be needed. Chris told me that the child died, and when I responded that we are so lucky, he told me, "Yes we are. I've been near tears all day thinking about how much I love our daughter."

It is too hard to think about all the scary and horrible things that can happen, so we push them aside and take our daughter's perfection for granted. I don't want to be someone who can only focus on the bad things that could happen, but neither do I want to forget how amazing it is that we have her. Today I will not do that. Today when my beautiful 8 month old wakes from her nap I will scoop her up and hug her and tell her how much she means to me. I know in response she'll blink at me and try to stick her fingers up my nose. I feel so very, very lucky.

1 comment:

  1. I am chilled reading your post. Life is both frail and resilient. I ache for their loss. Tragedy can and will happen, my niece, 8 months old was burned three weeks ago in a freak accident, turns out she will be O.K.
    Here is what I do to deal. Say my prayers and hug my babies.