Feeling MUCH better.

I was doing better yesterday, and then Chris and I went out for dinner and had such a nice evening. I think we really needed a good night together without other people. I love spending time with E and J, but I need to remember to make time just for Chris.

We walked over to Noble Rot (which I love love love). We had champagne and sat at the bar for dinner. The waitstaff are so friendly and thoughtful, it is a treat to go there.

C and I talked about the sperm-penetration test results, my desire for a "fertility holiday" for a few months at least, wanting to get IVF, etc. He said that although he was sad to find out that he's likely the reason we aren't conceiving, he is happy to have more info and to know that it isn't me. He knows I have been blaming myself and wanted me not to worry that it was my fault. I actually had the reverse feeling - I was kind of hoping the test would be negative because I didn't want him to feel bad that it was him.

We also talked about our summer plans. He and his brother are leaving town early next month, on their way to New Mexico via a visit to Josh in Colorado. C will be working in NM for about a month and my plan is to visit around July 4. Hopefully E won't go into labor until I get back!

I mentioned my desire to go to Spain, so we are planning on going during C's fall break. I have been putting off things like trips because I keep thinking "next month I could be pregnant." I realize this is silly and need to just live, whether or not I am pregnant.

I'm not really able to express how nice this evening was. The combination of the weather, the walk, sitting in this restaurant we love, eating great food, talking about important things and laughing and feeling happy together - it was so great.

I read in one of this week's nyt articles on infertility that a high percentage of couples who have gone through fertility treatment have high marital satisfaction. I'm sure it is not the process, per se, but it is good to know that the process doesn't have to rip people to shreds.