Friday, February 20, 2004

Infertility For Dummies

I started to write this to the reed conference folks, but decided there was no way to talk about it without implying a desire for sympathy. I really don't think I need sympathy right now, and I think getting it will just make me feel crappy. There is no tragedy here, especially not yet before I know whether eventually I'll be able to get pregnant. In any case:

Chris and I had our follow-up visit on the tests we took to see what's keeping us from getting me pregnant. All tests were normal for both of us. On the up side, I don't have undiagnosed diabetes and my thyroid is fine. On the down side, these test results win me a partially-insurance subsidized trip to Beaverton for a procedure intended to see if my tubes are open. The obgyn says that the test is at best uncomfortable and at worst very painful in a crampy way.

The results were pretty much as expected and I certainly don't wish that I had diabetes or some other chronic disease, but we are now moving into the realm of black box medicine. I'm trying to psych myself up for the next few months of tests and procedures, while I also try to prepare myself for discussions about what to do if none of that works.

After feeling freaked out last night, I now mostly feel ok. I am a bit annoyed that I have to wait almost 3 weeks for the next test - it involves getting a bunch of x-rays, so they want to do it when they know for sure I'm not pregnant. I just ovulated, so its a couple of weeks until I am into my next cycle and not actively bleeding. The worst part about all this is the time it all takes. (and yes, will, I know this is a good opportunity to practice non-attachment and to give up my desire for control. I've been thinking about that a lot lately.)


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